A lack of permanence

The one thing that is so true is that the universe is every changing. This is the only thing in existence that is certain. Please take a moment to look at this video. http://www.upworthy.com/are-you-happy-and-in-love-here-s-why-that-makes-you-so-sad?c=ufb1 For those of you who have had strong feelings for another person, or have been in love, have you ever been moved to tears? I get allot of grief for doing it. Yet sometimes it seems I feel so much love that I can't even make a clear, meaningful sentence, for a few moments I am riding the painful bliss that is that moment. Perhaps what the guy in this video is saying is true. We cry when we see something so beautiful, so meaningful, because we know that eventually in life, all things must end. It is the end that is change. We are so aware of this fact that we can literally push away the good things in our lives, in order to avoid that sort of tremendous pain. I believe that to push away love, to ignore the beauty, or to lesson it is simply a strategy we use to try and let go. Read very carefully and see what I mean here. I am going to use myself as an example. For a long time, during my teen years, I couldn't cry. I would be presented with a sad situation, and I would shut it off, distance myself, and start to laugh, or I would just be angry all the time. For me it was a way to cope with stress, however, I wasn't getting rid of my feelings, I was just holding them back. As a result I suffered frequent bouts of faintness, that is I would get lightheaded, and I would begin to see spots before simply crumpling to the ground. It was like my entire body would give out. Now, the sensation last for a mere few seconds, but I would get up from it, crying and frightened, trying to understand what just happened to me. Later on I was able to leave my family's home and go to Job Corps. While it was a completely frightening experience for me, in job corps, I was allowed to face some of the anxieties I had about socializing. I was made to talk to people in order to get what I want, and I spent allot of time reading and writing out my confused feelings. I wrote a large amount of poetry full of anxiety, full of love and the sad feelings of a broken hearted little girl. As a result, the bouts of weakness left me, and I haven't had one since. This is what I believe happened. I believe that I repressed my feelings of fear, anxiety, and love so much, that I was unable to function sometimes, because it was literally taking energy from my body to allow me to do that. Now, here is the lesson I'm trying to teach today. Allow yourself to love. I'm serious, allow yourself to love fully and completely. I know there are complications, I know that there are doubts and misgivings, we feel sad, because we don't want to lose the people we care about so much, and we don't want for them to suffer in our own passing. Love is beautiful, and it lasts for a blip in time, even if we want it to spill out to forever. I believe it can, I believe true love can survive even death, but can I convince you of that? No.. because it is hard, it involves dedication, and it involves laying yourself open, to be scrutinized and really and truly SEEN. That being said, you have to be ready to be loved. You have to be ready to accept that you will be scrutinized, that painful feelings will pop up, that bad memories you thought you'd long ago had repressed will resurface, and that other people wont understand. You have to have the strength to take that scrutiny,and say "I am what I am" and move forward. Here is the thing, as I have suggested. Bad feelings don't go away. You don't suddenly get over being abused or mistreated. The truth is, you may never get over it; but I believe you wont argue with me if I tell you that you have to live. You have to somehow live through the guilt, the bouts of anger or depression, and if you are in a worse period in your life, the contemplation of hurting yourself. Don't hurt yourself, haven't people done that enough to you? Don't look out at the yawning darkness and think, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, because there is, but you have to believe in it and you have to PUT it there.. and the truth is, you probably NEED help... but you can't do nothing and expect to get help. You need to open yourself up and allow yourself to be loved. You can start by loving you. Try it, just look in the mirror and say. "We've been through allot haven't we?" That's how you start that conversation with yourself. Tell yourself your fears, your hopes, your dreams. Cry, smile, laugh, and know that no matter what, you will get to where you need to be. The same light that caused your first heartbeat, your first breath, and your first word, still flows inside of you, and that light sisters, is made of love. You ARE love.. by just being. You have it with you, always.