It's been a while since I've written a blog.
Sometimes I don't have the feeling that I should, but as this feeling assails me I feel that it is necessary. There is something here... that perhaps someone somewhere could use.
So, foremost, survivors of sexual crimes display different characteristics as result. Some shut down and become insensitive to their actions, especially in regards to sex. Others become hyper aware and perhaps sometimes, hyper emotional. Sometimes these are all mixed together...
Let me make a clear statement here. I am no psychologist. I am not a licensed medical anything. All that I know comes from experience. Comes from those I've met, and shared time with. I honor them, in spite of everything, we are all sisters and brothers in a common bond. I don't speak of tragedy. I speak of knowing.
We knew too much at too young ages.
We hid and some continue to hide, in corners from a perceived fear that is as real to us as a knife to the throat.
Some have a long journey toward healing that will take many years to conquer. Others? Others may never heal, though I pray that they find the strength. Love... is an elusive thing. Something we crave from others because we mostly can't give it to ourselves. Unless of course we are at that stage of healing which we can find something in our damaged spirits to love.
I've been pushed away. In many forms. I thought for a while it was mostly my fault. Perhaps my presence is uncomfortable. Maybe my heart loves to much or I am suffocating. Truth? I am reacting, most cases, like a healthy adult. Those who push me away, however, are not quite at that level. They... can't see what is in front of them because they don't want to. It's too much. Too much of a change, too much of a risk. They are stuck in places where they need a hand but refuse to take it. They trust no one. I have been hurt because I have trusted where I was not trusted.
Strange, someone like me can trust, but I've always had faith. I believe there is good. Such good in the world, if we all hold onto the last bits of it and allow it to glow, we can touch candles together and create a bonfire.
Faith is wasted on the trust-less.
So, anyway, sex. What does it mean to those who find no meaning? It's a release of sorts, a dumping ground for emotion. I realize that now. Sex for many is a way to get out frustrations, fears and anger. It's taken to a base level. It's taken to an animistic level. So then it becomes tainted.
Never fear, this too can be healed. This I believe and you must too. To heal it you must go within, find that place that perceives the other person. See them, and only touch them when you see them. Respect them as a soul, and do not be with them unless they see and respect you as a soul. Then... well then it becomes something better, and can be worked toward something more.
It seems so simple right? For those who suffer from the past, this can seem impossible. My solution then is to look at yourself in the mirror. Really look. Imagine you were the one you plan to touch. Would YOU want to be touched by you? Are you capable of keeping your dumping at bay and instead, share a beautiful feeling? In this comes healing. If you find yourself incapable then please, abstain. Especially if you are attracted to women. We women drink up sexual energy like nobody's business, and that is why we are so individual in our sexual activity. Don't run the chalice full with your mess. Be cautious, and only be with someone you actually care about. Someone you could see yourself loving.
That is responsible and it is good for you.
Be blessed.
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