A little self confidence this morning!

A thought on beauty….

In this world where women are suddenly bursting out into their sexuality,  and when I mean bursting I mean bursting! If anyone saw the recent musical awards show, I refer to Niki Minaj’s skit, and the one done by Beyonce.  One ponders the correlation between beauty and sexuality.

Honestly, I think anyone can be sexy. It is a matter of how you present yourself, your level of confidence, and your desire to convey a certain message.  It is also highly a matter of people’s preference.  That being said, I can see a certain level of beauty in all people.

So, what is it that I am looking at, that most over look? It is simple. While others are typically looking at aesthetics, I am looking at the whole picture. That is, mannerisms, the way a person speaks, their level of confidence, and also their level of competence. To me, there is nothing more unattractive than a person that behaves and is, willfully ignorant. If you are close minded, unwilling to learn, stagnant, then I can read it in everything you do.

Now, let’s consider how these days, a plus size woman, if she is confident, can put on a corset and heels and rock that look with a level of poise that could put shame to super models on a runway. So then, why is there all this pressure to lose weight? Society seems to have this misconception that the size of your waist equals the value of you. That is why, although I know I am not at the size I want, I understand that what others may find appealing in me is their own affair. The biggest, most important thing is what I find appealing about ME. So let’s try this exercise.

Look in the mirror.

Go on look! Look at yourself for at least thirty seconds; take in your facial features, better if you have a full mirror, look at your whole body if you can.  Then look back at this.

Tell me, what is it about you that separate you from the crowd?  Oh everyone has a defining mark. Something about them that is very unique.

I think I have nice eyes.  I think I have an adaptable personality. Though I wish I was more outgoing and a better listener. These things I can improve and to me, ads to my appeal.

Do you get it yet?

Beauty is not the size of your pants, the shape of your rear, the poise of your breasts. Its that nifty part of you that says “I am me, and I am proud”.  Whether it manifests in the tone of your voice, the way you move your hands, or how you engage others.  It is there. You just need to see it.

Now look back in the mirror.  Are you happy? Don’t think about what others may think! I think in a short amount of time I have learned that people don’t care. No really they don’t care to really judge you like you think.  Everyone judges, but don’t agonize on it. Just focus on expressing yourself in a way that is respectful but genuine.

Do that, and all the beauty in all the world is yours.

You’re gorgeous honey!

JUST DO

“Just do” That has been my driving force the last few months… It has seen me through losing four inches off my waist. It has seen me through disappointment, and into triumph.
All my life, my decisions were made based off what others thought of me. By others I mean my very own family. It’s been made based off what I thought was expected of me, and also how I wanted people to perceive me to be.  Now, I understand one thing for sure and that is that life is a constant work in progress. In this way, just like everybody else I try.  It is just discovering what I am trying for that has been tricky.
Fact one:  No matter how hard I try, people will only see what they desire to see. They will only see what they perceive.
Therefore, no matter what I do, I cannot control it. I can’t control what others see and take from what I put out in the world. I can only control the feeling behind it. I can only do my best to communicate my thoughts and feelings as best as possible, and hope that some will find the message in them so that it can effect in a positive way.
Fact two: I have no way of knowing what they are wanting from me. I can only guess. Truth is anyone can only guess.
Thus, instead of trying to give people what they want. I have decided to just DO what feels right.  If it isn’t wanted, then it isn’t; but it is out there.
Fact three: Up until I decided to consciously make a change, everything I did was not working.
It is hard for me not to give a damn. That’s it, I said it. I am one of those people that agonize on whether I said the right thing, or communicated something the right way.  So by just doing, I am constantly changing. It is better than killing myself with worry!
Fact four:  The idea of there being a right way to anything sets you up for failure.
Hear me out.  If we are constantly trying to do things right and as a result constantly failing, then it is not that we haven’t been doing it right, it is that we haven’t found a way that works.  Just like there are many ways to love a person, there are many ways to approach a situation.  Just like you can fail when trying to communicate your love, there are many ways to fail when trying to improve a situation. The answer then is to find another way.  Find as many ways as possible and just keep trying.  The moment you give up is the moment when you lose.
Happily, even when we do give up, we can always make the decision to get back up and try again. I don’t think there is such a thing as too late either. It is when we limit ourselves by time and circumstance that we stop making progress, and it’s when we try to measure our progress up to preset standards that we stop seeing the big picture.
That big picture is splayed out before your eyes, every day.

Taste my words

Here for you I am giving up another poem. The power to overcome the ridicule and angst that may have assaulted you for years comes from really and truly digging deep. You remember YOU. You must love YOU. In all your  gorgeous perfections and imperfections. For there is something to love in imperfection. It is unique, it is personal. It is, your claim to identity.

Taste my words!

I feel it inside myself

That tender yearning for something gentle, sensual, and real

For a love everlasting

And perhaps it is more than that…

When I search for that thing inside that is whole and beautiful, that thing that is so much me and yet..

And yet, so far out there…

Disjointed, disconnected,  feeling a since of detachment that starts somewhere from the center and spirals outward

Still… If I silence my mind and lay silent

Yes silent

Devoid of cell phones, media, or the loud loud ringing of another person’s voice violating my ears

If I assault my heart, rifle through its treasures can I find it?

I want to say yes

To no longer look at that question mark in the mirror

To smile and nod and kiss the roundness of my eyes

To stroke the softness of my hair to feel

To feel…

Love

I hug my pillow, and mutter my prayers

My undying devotions to hope

I settle in the warmth of my own soul and there

I sleep

What is in a word?

I speak often of love.
It is true to say that my whole life is guided with this one core idea, and that is that LOVE is everything.
We are all created of star stuff, and which each tiny particle of cosmic stardust that fills us inside and out, is a secret prayer, a secret hope that is LOVE. Yet why then do we turn from it?

In my searchings I have come across a principal that states FEAR is the direct opposite of LOVE. Anything that does not come from love, comes from fear. Is this true?
Well lets see...
We fear being judged by people, so we isolate ourselves. In this instance unsocial behavior is a direct result of fear. Which is not a behavior conducive to love.
We fear that we are ugly, and so we call ourselves ugly, and fall out of love with self.
We fear what we don't understand, so we discriminate or hate it...
This is the opposite of love... fear.

Now that I have sent this out into the world I challenge one to become fear-less.
I am not asking you to not fear, I think that is something that is a choice. You can choose not to fear, or instead, you can choose love.
Yes, reader, choose love. That is what I am asking you to do.

If someone is telling you that you are nothing. I want you to go within, find that love within yourself, and move on. Recognize their own fear, the fear that YOU are SOMETHING. Let go of what others say of you.
If you are telling yourself "I'm not good enough" I am not strong enough." Or "I am not powerful enough." Then I challenge you to stop right now. Do not fear what you have not even attempted to try. Instead try, and then try again. There is nothing to fear... unless is it that you fear that you can?

Instead, dear reader, choose love. Know your fear, and choose to love yourself enough to give yourself a chance.